I didn’t count on to verify Twitter or X or no matter in the present day and see a Tremendous Bowl commercial that includes Patrick Stewart, Grasp Chief, Arnold from Hey, Arnold!, the band Creed, Knuckles from the Sonic franchise, and Survivor host Jeff Probst. But, people, right here we’re. Welcome to 2024. It sucks.
In a newly launched advert for Paramount+—the streaming service previously referred to as CBS All Entry—the corporate continues the odd storyline that every one the assorted characters and stars of various Paramount-owned franchises are climbing the large mountain seen within the firm’s well-known brand.
This time, a bunch consisting of Drew Barrymore, Sir Patrick Stewart, Halo’s Grasp Chief, Arnold, Lt. Dangle from Reno 911!, and Knuckles, amongst others, try to scale a big cliff wall to achieve…I don’t know, the following industrial. Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa is making an attempt to toss a grappling hook up the cliff wall to present everybody a method up the mountain. However he can’t do it. That’s when Patrick Stewart recommends tying the rope to Arnold—who has a football-shaped head—and tossing the animated little one on the mountain.
At this level, Stewart takes off his jacket to disclose an old-timey soccer costume and helmet and tells Drew Barrymore to close up, and Creed begins taking part in “Can You Take Me Greater.” Of us, I’m not making any of this up. This can be a actual advert. I really feel like I must step in right here and remind you all of that reality. Anyway, finally Stewart chucks Arnold, after kissing his head softly, up the mountain and…(spoilers!) fails. Arnold slams into the rockface, probably crushing each considered one of his cartoon bones within the course of, and the group hits upon the following beloved character to try throwing on the cliff.
Popular culture is slowly turning into one gray blob
Some may discover this advert humorous. And I’ll totally admit that Stewart is doing a bang-up job of being a weirdo previous man with a nasty concept. However I additionally watched this trailer and felt a way of dread. Firms in the present day don’t see issues like Star Trek or Halo as items of artwork made by creators. As a substitute, they’re merely bits of IP that may be tossed right into a blender to create some company’s subsequent streaming service.
Why are these characters hanging out? What have they got in frequent? Why is that this occurring? “Cease asking questions,” says Paramount’s advertising group and execs. “As a substitute, simply be amazed and delighted by all of the IP and CONTENT we personal. Isn’t that rad?”
I don’t assume so. The continued consolidation of popular culture is definitely actually miserable. The truth that in 2024 a single firm can personal a lot of our collective artwork is frightening. It looks as if 90% of movie and TV are owned by Disney, Common, Paramount, or just a few different massive gamers.
And if considered one of them decides to devour one other, as Disney did to Fox, much more of popular culture will get shoved into one field owned by one grasping firm that may determine, on a whim, to cancel reveals, take away motion pictures from streaming companies, or use beloved characters as pawns of their content material wars. And that every one sucks, even when it was humorous to observe Patrick Stewart kiss Arnold on the top.